A little story, about me. About my insecurities and my fears and why it scares me when I have to meet new people.

I went to grab a glass of water again, just to get another glimpse of her. Even if it’d get me some stares from people I don’t know.

I sat on the chair, and pretended to check my phone. Pretending as if I was doing something important while I swiped for nineteenth time in Candy Crush.

Trying to look at somebody, just few innocent glances without being creepy is a tricky task. After ten minutes, twenty seconds and a few innocently creepy eye contacts, I thought I should walk up to her. I got up. Then something struck me. It felt so awkward at that moment.

I smiled at her. She smiled back. I almost thought what I was gonna say when I begin the conversation. And all the stuff about playing it cool.

I walked. Every footstep, I reached a few inches closer to her. She almost sensed it too. I could see her hazel eyes and that dimple on her right cheek. And a small earring with some red stone on it.

I almost reached there, and I walked past her.

Not a mistake.

Even though the smile was giving me butterflies, I know, things will go wrong once we start talking. I know she’d say something that’d hurt me and I will act as if it didn’t matter.

I know how we will fight over every little thing. And screw each other over and she’s too cute for that. I just let her be. Somethings are better, untouched.

And everything I touch turns black anyway. I walked past her. So she could be happier. I could be happier. We could be happier. And what if I fall in love with her? What if she doesn’t love me back?

I don’t think that I’m ready for that kind of pain.

I will probably never see or meet her again. But, I spared both of us a lot of pain.